My dear friends, I love you all. I love you guys so much and I feel such an overwhelming desire to spend some time with you that I mutely agree to your suggestions to watch a Bollywood movie together. Mere brother ki dulhan, Mausam, Ra.One… I somehow sit with you and watch while eating popcorn or listen to your movie reviews without letting out any comments. But, have I hurt you so much unknowingly? Have I made you feel insecure or brought you immense grief anytime? If so, please take a club and give me a sound beating. Take a whip and unleash your wrath upon me. Or just shoot me in the head.
Why take me to ROCKSTAR?
Imtiaz Ali, every movie has a beginning. Every movie has an end. Every movie has a storyline and sends across a message to the audience. A two minute Popeye the Sailor cartoon clip conveys a message – Eat spinach for bulging biceps. But Ali, I just went through an entirely novel emotional experience while sitting in an air-conditioned room for three long hours, trying in vain to figure out what your movie was all about.
Was it about the rise of an underdog who becomes the biggest rockstar or was it merely a love story with a rockstar backdrop? I still do not know.
All I could stitch together was - True love cures a woman of her terminal illness. Extra true love [pregnancy] sends her back to coma and eventually kills her.
Ranbir, dude, I am really curious as to what you saw in the script. Did you think the one liner plot – a painful heartbreak gets out the real artist in you – would be something the viewers would connect with? If that is the case, I would advise you to watch your movie once for greater success in future.
AR Rahman, sir, with all due respect, did the producer not pay you enough? Or was it just one of your practical jokes to include ‘jinga dinga la la la la’ music in one of the scenes? Maybe you were on a coffee break and someone took over for a couple of minutes. Perhaps, I should give some time to let a few of the music numbers to grow on me.
Nargis Fakhri, you are gorgeous. You looked ravishing. I was simply entranced. I got lost in your eyes and pretended to Heer nothing. The way you delivered the lines, especially ‘Am I sure? Wait, let me think for a minute… YES, I AM SURE’, calls for Oscar applause. So, here you go – clap clap clap.
Shammi Kapoor, sir, rest in peace. Now I know why you died.
It is already 3 in the morning now. But I think I’ll just watch Saw movie series all over again, imagining myself as the victim in every scene and then go back to bed.
A random guy’s FB status:
Tere haq, tere paas hi raq.
Rockstar, what the fuck?!
Rofl :) You need to take part blame in agreeing to go to the movie
ReplyDeleteThe movie's plotline is-- for Ranbir to become a Rockstar- he had to be clusterfucked by his family, friends, his lover, and life.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest fuck up was falling in love with that heroine- for god's sake I've seen donkeys in Vietnam that look prettier.
The movie was like watching a punch and judy show to be honest. But hey the music was nice. ;)
~div
@Datta : I know. Frankly speaking, it WAS fun after about half an hour of the movie, when we started to crack up at our own comments on "Jordan".
ReplyDelete@Div : I don't know about the looks, but I'm sure those Vietnam donkeys could show better attitude than Nargis Fakhri.