Happy married life, broheim

It’s been a while. There hasn’t been a single night when I have not thought of my blog. I could give a million reasons for not writing, but to put it in two words, life happened.

Profound stuff. I guess I've still got it. Anyway, my most loyal follower is getting engaged and I thought it was a good time to resuscitate my dying blog. To be frank, I could should have mailed this directly to him, but this is as much for myself as is for him.

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The first bonfire, the first kiss, the first trek, the first victory; there is something special about the firsts that everyone wishes to experience it over and over again. Mr. Panduranga Setty Subramanya Datta, I believe this happens to be your first wedding?

Lame jokes apart, there must be a lot of excitement packed with an equal amount of anxiety to open the first chapter of the book of marriage. I’m sure there would be a lot of ups and downs interspersed with your own plot twists, but it is up to you two to rewrite it, together, into a story to tell the generations to come.

I have no real words of wisdom here, well, obviously, due to the inadequate amount of experience. I have just been a keen observer-cum-analyzer of many a love-hate relationship. But it’s an Indian wedding after all and everybody must have something to say. So, a few words to the Missus first.

“Hi,

I will be getting engaged to SriLakshmi on August 3, 2014. It will be really awesome if you could make it to the celebrations.”

This is the email invite I got after consistent pestering from my side to forward the invitation to the non-attendees as well. I smiled at the simplicity of the message. No “we are taking a big step… highly auspicious occasion… get your friends, neighbors and family” or other unnecessary decorations. In fact, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had just sent a calendar invite with just the time and venue. Truly, a man of few words. A study of his FB comments in any given month would give the following results:

Don’t be fooled by his sleek softness though. Everybody has a role for the social media and his is that of a humble or a meek soul. But, stroke him the wrong way and the sparks shall fly.

Skip the small talk and the formalities. 

There is an ideal girl for every guy. One who has big, ambitious eyes, or one who has read all your favorite books; one who can share the occasional drink in the dark while listening to alternative rock, or one who can simply come up with witty rebuttals in day to day conversations.

If you wish to be the perfect one, Missus, you would have to start off with a small purchase. An Alienware 17, if you may, and then venture through the sacred sanctuaries of Diablo, Far Cry or Assassin’s Creed. A gamer by heart and soul, our man will take you safely across intense, chaotic battlefields, slay the mortals, defy the aliens, and defend against the brutal giants.  He will fight this ruthless world in one hand if you hold his other. 

Remember not to rush to strap on your heels when he asks you for a tango. And, 'noob' can be an endearing term as well.

‘What is happiness?’

Ask him this one straightforward question and he will just throw a football at you. Being with a diehard Gooner, I expect you to start speaking football soon. If not anything else, just be there when he decides out of the blue to fly towards the Emirates Stadium. I can almost imagine you two sitting next to each other, holding each other’s hands in the cold winter, while you watch the Arsenal boys sweat it out on the field trying to win the Champions League final.

Learn the game.

Not a man of extravaganza, but he can definitely spend extravagantly on those special occasions. Honest, loyal, and some say, his heart is made of gold. Good men are hard to find these days.

Good men like dirty talk. Surprise him.

And to be an ideal husband? I don't know about your girl, my friend, but it is certainly not  going to be a walk in the park.

Be honest, but not brutally.

Be family oriented, but not a mamma’s boy.

Be perceptive; know when her next mood swing is due.

Buy her flowers. And shoes. And a BMW. And a wardrobe full of dresses. Quoting James Horen, a dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

Be generous with the three magic words. She likes to hear them as much as you do.

Communicate.

And come what may, even when the shit hits the fan, I beg of you…

Say yes to the in-laws, always.

“A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.”